Conundrum

I am one of those people who have never really needed a ton of friends to feel satisfied with life. But I constantly fight the need to do more, be more and have people like me. I think it's more that I want people to want to hang out with me, but not actually do the hanging out. It probably makes no sense to anyone else, but I sometimes feel like friends and spending time with other people are a drain on my energy. Who said what, where are we going, are her feelings hurt etc. Who has time for all that crap? I've done all that before. Then, other times, I feel bad that I don't have more friends, that somehow I am not a worthwhile person, not fun and that's why I don't have friends. A conundrum. I'm sure I give off the vibe of not pursuing friendship so I probably only have myself to blame. Luckily, my husband is on the same wavelength as me. We need our alone time, he playing guitar, video games or wasting time online, me reading or watching TV. We love hanging out with each other, because we can be boring together. We don't really do anything with anyone else besides family and that works. But that doesn't stop the desire to be more entertaining, life of the party, getting those invites to do fun things with people. I swear that sometimes, I have two separate personalities that fight with each other. The boring one usually wins though. :)