Wednesday, September 17, 2008
I am one of those people who have never really needed a ton of friends to feel satisfied with life. But I constantly fight the need to do more, be more and have people like me. I think it's more that I want people to want to hang out with me, but not actually do the hanging out. It probably makes no sense to anyone else, but I sometimes feel like friends and spending time with other people are a drain on my energy. Who said what, where are we going, are her feelings hurt etc. Who has time for all that crap? I've done all that before. Then, other times, I feel bad that I don't have more friends, that somehow I am not a worthwhile person, not fun and that's why I don't have friends. A conundrum. I'm sure I give off the vibe of not pursuing friendship so I probably only have myself to blame. Luckily, my husband is on the same wavelength as me. We need our alone time, he playing guitar, video games or wasting time online, me reading or watching TV. We love hanging out with each other, because we can be boring together. We don't really do anything with anyone else besides family and that works. But that doesn't stop the desire to be more entertaining, life of the party, getting those invites to do fun things with people. I swear that sometimes, I have two separate personalities that fight with each other. The boring one usually wins though. :)
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
I just found out that I got the job that I interviewed for last week. It means we won't starve as we build the business and that I can finally get off COBRA insurance. It is positive for us as a family personally, but personally, not so much. I'm back, after maybe 7 months off, doing the same things I've been doing, being who I was before and losing sight of the business that started as my idea and letting Brian run and plan and do everything for the business. It makes me really sad to have to leave all of the business activities behind, to become another schmuck in a cubicle again. It was really hard making ends meet personally and now that stress will be gone. But I am dreading the return to the status quo, to the 9-5, away from my baby, my business. I know I just need to suck it up, to do what is right for the family, not just me. It will really take me a while to get back in the swing of things, to go to sleep so early, to work M-F again. I am just at a loss of how not to be upset and resentful of having to become what I swore I never would again...
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Welcome to my blog! I am new to the whole blogging thing, but I needed a place to sort out my feelings, talk about random items of interest and just basically unload. There will be a wide range of topics and stories on here, but, hopefully, it won't be a boring read. Welcome to my life!