Friday, April 27, 2012

Ch Ch Changes

Well, nothing like getting the crap scared out of you to change your life.  I went for my annual checkup to the lady parts doctor and got an earful of warnings on high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and other bad health things happening with me.  I get the thrill of a mammogram to check out a small lump, which is probably nothing but still needs to be checked out.  I decided then and there that enough was enough.  What caused all these issues you may ask?  Me and my relationship with food and my tendency to take care of everybody and everything else except for myself.  For too many years, I have let myself get worn down, stressed and exhausted to the point of making myself sick.  I average 5 hours of sleep a night and walk around like a zombie most of the time.  But that isn't the biggest problem.

My name is Melissa and I am a chronic overeater.  I have used food as my reward, my security blanket, my refuge and my escape.  I spent most of the first half of my life eating whatever whenever.  I was stick skinny and never really thought of food all that much.  When I went to college, something shifted.  I dealt with loneliness and sadness by eating a pizza here and an ice cream there.  For many years after that, I gained weight but not a huge amount due to activity and metabolism.  And then as the stresses built and life got more real, I started really amping it up.  Then pregnancy and loss of job and dealing with being a new parent, trying to run a new business, etc. etc.  There was always a reason to make myself feel better with food.  And then, reality, in the form of a kindly doctor telling me to look at what I am doing to myself.  Do I really want to continue this way?  Die of a heart attack at 42?  Leave my family behind?  All because I stuff bad things away with food?  An epiphany occurred.

So I have started this week to use an iPhone app called Lose It! to watch my calories and keep track of my food choices and make sure I start making good ones.  I am hoping to start at least walking a little more for exercise.  I am trying to make this work.  I am determined to get down to a healthy weight again.  I have to.  For my health and well being and as an example to my daughter.

Why am I writing this all out in a blog?  Because I am trying to make myself accountable, to force myself to stick with this.  I also know that a lot of women struggle with weight and food issues.  Maybe we can encourage each other to keep working at this.  Don't we as women have a lot more to do than waste time on worrying about our weight and whether we look a certain way?  I am doing this for my health and to feel better about myself.  It's not for my man or for society's sake.  Will I ever weigh what I did in high school?  Hell no.  But I can get back to being healthier, back to caring for myself, back to me.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, stronger
Just me, myself and I
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller"

-Kelly Clarkson

1 comment:

Rachel Enzweiler said...

Good for you. :) I know it's hard to put yourself out there and I applaud you for your strength. Anything I can do to help you...I am here. I want you to live a looooooong and healthy life and so does M and Brian. We are all here to help you and support you. Why does chocolate pb have to taste so good??? Love you!